An OxyMoron. That dialect of God's language (because, obviously, God is an Englishman) that our backward colonial cousins speak and write. As opposed to TheQueensEnglish or TheKingsEnglish (the only difference between which is the current date).

''Well, at least we can spell "jail" correctly. The spelling "gaol" is a hideous, festering boil on the backside of the language. :)'' Probably because so many Americans find themselves incarcerated in one. 

Examples include pronunciation of words such as root, roof and herb. These sound like foot and urban rather than like move and hurt. ''Actually, that depends on what '''part''' of the UnitedStates you're in. There are probably at least as many local variations with the US as there are differences between the US and the UK.''

''For non-English speakers/readers "foot" has a long "u:", "move" a short "u". "Urban" begins with "^", while "hurt" has a long schwah.''

''Actually, it is even more complex than that. Here in the Deep South, both pronunciations are used, but by people of different social strata. The "root like foot" pronunciation is typical of lower strata people, while "root like move" is more of an upper-class thing.''

Another irritation is hearing words from other languages, like French, being mutated into a hideous mess. En route is pronounced "on root", not "ennn rawt". Madonna's daughter's name shouldn't be pronounced "Lord-ess" but "Lords". George W Bush should be pronounced "war monger" but hey, that's just what the entire rest of world thinks. =)

''We '''Americans''' mangle French words???? Where, pray tell, is the ''f'' in lieutenant?''

''Sure, the septics mangle French, but they don't mangle Spanish like we do'' '''Did you mean to say skeptics? Because septics is funnier in this context.''' No, septics. A popular way of referring to Americans in RhymingSlang (septic is part of "septic tank", and "tank" rhymes with "Yank").

Spelling may also differ in words like neighbor, color and gray instead of neighbour, colour and grey (an interesting point to note is that the SpellingChecker doesn't like TheQueensEnglish spelling of color and neighbor). See AmericanSpelling and VariantEnglishSpellings.

(This is HaHaOnlySerious)

Many little differences in vocabulary. It's no use calling an American a cloth-eared git:-) 

''Because they wouldn't understand it? How about if Americans call the British "diamond-assed dorkwads" (since in Britain and elsewhere, the term "ass" refers to a donkey. The spelling "arse" refers to the posterior. We don't have the term "dorkwad" in our vocabulary. However, the term "dickwad" would probably make us feel like kotowing in the direction of Redmond, USA). Actually Americans can insult Americans better than anyone. . . "We are gas-guzzling prudish gun-for-dicks secure in our own superiority and moral righteousness while we foist our corporations elsewhere under the guise of spreading capitalism and democracy. We know that even if other countries hate us, they'll come begging when someone's ass needs kicking. Don't forget, we invented freedom, and have been willing to give it up in large amounts to protect it."''

Don't forget the AmericanEnglish dialects - SouthernDrawl, MidWestMumble, and SqueakyNorthEastern. Not to mention the sub-dialects - GangstaUrban, SwearingSuburban, and DreamyHippie. Not to mention SurferDude. ''Non-americans also don't understand the difference between southern drawl and redneck - but there is a huge difference.'' ''[Heck, most Americans don't understand the difference. Almost universally, if a non-Southerner tries to imitate a Southern drawl, they end up doing a redneck accent instead.]'' Not all rednecks live in the south; one can find them in all fifty states. :) ''Sure, you can find people with southern drawl in China too. . . '' I believe that's called "Cantonese". :) ''Ah, you are one of those "Mandarin is the '''REAL''' Chinese language" types''. Not really; it's just that my wife is from Guangdong and she speaks Cantonese (Mandarin, too), so it's a good way of giving her a bad time. :) Interestingly enough, lots of people tell her she speaks English with an English accent - she's never been to the UK and she grew up in the mainland and not Hong Kong. 

''I saw on ''The Story of English'' that many Chinese learn English from BBC broadcasts, so that may put a British accent on Chinese English classes''.
:P

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