In contrast to the good points made by the AgileManifesto, the following is offered, in jest, on behalf of those who don't wear ties or khakis.

* Tools should be superior to individuals as they are more reliable, and processes must be '''superfluid''' because you don't have the time to wait for ''les incompetents''.
* Working software ''is'' self-documenting (...because you're the best).
* Customer "training" over "collaboration", with air-tight contracts to lock-in your strategy.
* As your knowledge >> corporate knowledge,  your plan includes overthrowing their nebulous "needs requirements" sheet.
* Overtake corporate customer because with all the dialog (UserStories) you've been having, you know they're completely wrong-headed.
* Take over world.