''HS does and says things that make you wish you were dumb enough to do or say them...'' ---- "D'oh!" ---- Homer: You'll have to speak up, im eating a orange ---- Homer: It's true! I swear on this bible! Marge: That's a book of carpet samples. Homer: Mmmmm.....Fuzzy. ---- From http://www.snpp.com/episodes/1F04.html : ''Homer panics a little, running back to his work station. "Stay calm," he reassures himself, "remember your training." He reaches for the "Emergency Procedures" manual, and opens it up. A square has been cut out of most of the pages -- a square big enough to hold a solitary donut. But Homer finds no donut; all that's left is a piece of paper. Homer reads it.'' "Dear Homer, I. O. U. one emergency donut. Signed, Homer." Blast it! He's always one step ahead. ---- Homer: (Falls out of treehouse) Stupid gravity! ---- "Lord, if you agree with this, please give me no sign at all. "Thank you, lord." ---- "Young lady, in this house we ''obey'' the laws of thermodynamics!!" ---- "Lord, you're everywhere. You're omnivorous." ---- Homer to aliens: "Don't eat me, I have a wife and children! Eat them!" ---- ''Homer on timescales:'' MOE: I just bought this from the Navy. It can flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds HOMER: 40 seconds? I want it now! ---- HOMER: Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. ---- HOMER: You mean the Mafia only did me a favour so they could get one in return? Fat Tony, I am so disappointed in you. ---- ______ .'/,-Y" "~-. 1.Y ^. Do Re Mi Drink /\ _^ - by Homer J. Simpson i ___/" " | /" "\ o ! DOUGH... The stuff that buys me beer. 1 ] o !__./ RAY... The guy that sells me beer. \ _ _ \.___./ "~\ ME... The guy who drinks the beer X \/ \ ___./ FAR... The distance to my beer. ( \ ___. _..--~~" ~`-. SO... I think I'll have a beer. ` Z,-- / \ LA... La la la la la la beer. \__. ( / ______) TEA... No thanks, I'm drinking beer. \ 1 /-----~~" / That will bring us back to... Y \ / (Looks into an empty glass) | "x______.^ D'OH! | \ j Y ThomasLaresch ''Corrected, I think'' ---- "What if." Well, ''what if'' I get out of the shower tomorrow, and step on a bar of soap? Oh my God, I'd be killed! ---- HOMER: The Internet, that thing is still around? ---- Homer: "Hmm. I see they have the Internet on computers now." ----- Homer: "The problem is communication. Too much communication." ----- Homer: "Operator!? Give me the number for 911!" ----- Homer: "OK Brain, I know we don't get along, but let's just work together so I can get back to slowly killing you with beer." Homer's Brain: "It's a deal!" ----- Homer: "Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!" ---- Homer: "Stupid risks are what makes life worth living." ----- Arty Ziff: "What's it like to be married to Marge?" Homer: "It's like being married to my best friend, and he lets me touch his boobs."