See also AlarmBellPhrase.

* "A lot of things here are hard to test, so we don't test anything."
* "We don't have time to write automated tests." We have plenty of time to run all hands on deck tests and integration exercise at the 11th hour though.
* "We don't do any of that namby-pamby process stuff. We're trying to get stuff OutTheDoor *fast*!"
* "What do you mean? There's 'another' way to do this?!" (JbRainsberger)
* "We don't want too many superstars here. You'll all kill each other." -- JeffBay
* "Don't interrupt me while you're interrupting me!"
* "Let's have a meeting to discuss our meeting schedule."
* "The problem is, we can see by this that you've obviously started coding without submitting a design document first..."
I think I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight...

-- JeffBay

See also http://www.gameai.com/youknow.html, and HelpMe.
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I'm there.  Please, HelpMe.

''Just tell them that your preferred programming environment is <foo>, not Microsoft Word.''

Or, ask them if customer would rather have working software or more paper.

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"We don't want too many superstars here. You'll all kill each other."
Of course, my co-worker's immediate response was "Well, I guess I'll tone it down a bit, then." 
I laughed, I cried, I bit my tongue.
-- JeffBay

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I'm not convinced these two belong in ProgrammerHell. 

''"You shouldn't of sorted out the users problems, its a question of expectation management"'' -- AndyMorris

Frequently, it is a question of expectation management. This could be a mismatch between developer priority and business priority. You aren't giving us enough information about the situation to declare it a ProgrammerHell. :)

''"How hard would it be to..."'' 

This one also doesn't belong in ProgrammerHell, except in some circumstances that are definitely not universal. All they are asking for is an estimate, which is the Customer's right.

Now, it becomes a major plane in ProgrammerHell when they say "It couldn't possibly be very hard to..."

-- JeffBay

''It's a problem when it happens several times a day.''

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In ProgrammerHell, dog shit is governed by Schrodinger rules. It's not actualized until you step in it. And there's lots of it.

In ProgrammerHell, you are forced to write an Ada compiler in COBOL.