COBOL!
no, RealBasic :)  

''wow.  i sure hope you '''meant''' to be funny....''
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''More accurately, the Language the speaker uses, as opposed to any other. See also: RealComputer, RealOperatingSystem, RealMagic, RealPlayer, RealSound, ReelToReelTape, RealSillyReferences.''
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Maybe he was referring to the ''LanguagesOfChoice'' in ''The JargonFile''?
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Oh, excuse me, the CobolVsFortran77 showdown must be next door.
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Duh.  A RealLanguage is what a RealProgrammer uses.  MachineCode, ToggleSwitches, and a SolderingIron.  ;)
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AmigaBASIC is the only real language :D

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I'll go with Assembly/ML