Inspired by the many interesting turns of phrase on RichardKuliszFanClub, this page widens the field to curmudgeonly gems by others on wiki as well.

Feel free to contribute, but quotations only! Put comments into notes at bottom.
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''Do you have a Java virtual machine installed for use by your browser?''

Who wants to know, and why? -- DanM

If ''I'' had to admit to liking Java, I'd be AnonymousOnPurpose too. -- EarleMartin

See note [1].
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From ConversationsWithTrees:

''They aren't "spirits"--they're giant plants.  Why would someone talk to them?''

You're a blob of meat.  Why would someone talk to ''you''? [2]
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''From DaveVoorhis' home page, in response to unusually mild sarcasm from RK asking about Dave's taste in subgenres:'' [3]

Yay! This part of my home page needs more sarcasm! Years ago, I read every bit of science fiction I could get my hands on, without care, discrimination or selection. At one point, I helped fund some poor sot's drinking habit by purchasing, for the price of a crate of cheap vodka, his entire science fiction collection -- several hundred books -- and read every one of them. These clearly belonged to two subgenres: Stuff I liked and stuff I didn't. There is no identifiable pattern to what I like and what I don't, and if there are other identifiable subgenres in there somewhere, I don't know what they are. I read voraciously, but your average sample of illiterate trailer trash knows more about Literature than I do.

By the way, you may find it helpful to note that I'm an idiot with a subnormal IQ. I may appear intelligent, but that's only because of my savant-like capacity for articulate writing. In fact, my interests -- outside of certain programming esoterica that (oddly enough) keep me amused -- mostly involve fast cars and beer. Attempting to engage me in something as highbrow as literature is a lost cause, despite the fact that I edited -- no doubt in a drunken stupor -- a page about science-fiction and fantasy authors. -- DV
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In response to an RK proposal for how DenialOfService might be avoided by MakingTheClientPay:

"How to convince a rogue client to abide by this rule is left as an exercise for the lowly programmer. Meanwhile the InteractionDesigner is busy trying to construct more circle quadratures type of designs." -- CC [4]
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Notes:

1. Truly masterful curmudgeonly jab; my hat's off to you. You should write a book on the technique you use. -- DougMerritt

Hehe. Yes, that was a good riposte. Seriously, though, why should I answer an anonymous question like that? For all I know, he might have been asking "Is your browser vulnerable to a sploit I want to put on your home page"? -- DanM

2. See http://www.terrybisson.com/meat.html for amusing story about humans-as-blobs-of-meat 

3. Also unusual was that RK's sarcasm was not uncalled for under the circumstances. In any event, Dave's response is masterful.

4. "circle quadratures" is the key wonderfully sarcastic phrase, here.

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CategoryJoke