The franchise opens in a strip mall near you.  There's a plain white banner, Extreme Year 2000 Survival, above the windows.  The windows have that sliding grillwork installed that is so popular in downtown New York.

Inside, the building is bare linoleum floors (unless worn wood was available), concrete block walls in industrial green.  Some of that neat mortar bulges between some of the blocks.

There is simple metal shelving up to 5' high, in rows around the floor.  There are bare lightbulbs hanging from naked wires, dropped from the ceiling.  There is, of course, no ceiling tile: you can see the insulation and the beamwork.

The staff all wear fatigues and carry sidearms.  The men have a couple of days of beard.  The women are slutty and harder than the men.  They all have toothpicks in their mouths, and piercings. They watch you furtively and suspiciously. Did I mention the tattoos?

There's a guy ostensibly shopping.  He looks a little nervous.  If you make eye contact, he'll take you aside and tell you he has heard they'll only be accepting silver and gold starting next week, and he's trying to stock up this week.  Maybe you should do the same.

The shelves have everything you could want ... food, ammo, water, different kinds of containers.  Detailed list when you sign up for your franchise.

But the shelves are all a little bit bare ... there isn't a lot of anything left on them, so you know you'd better get yours right away.  If you talk to one of the staff, he will take you aside and tell you he thinks he has one case of whatever it is left, and hints that if you treat him right and pull up at the loading dock, he can help you out.  A case of stuff costs more than N times the single package rate, but you're glad to pay it.

Don't waste time, get your franchise papers now, there's money to be made!  Just don't put it in the bank!  --RonJeffries

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Screw that!  Buy a boat and move to the Carribean!  Be your own (wo)man! [1]  -AustinDavid

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CategoryYtwok CategoryJoke